Cyber-Sharing Real Life
Sunny Frazier, mystery author and acquisitions editor extraordinaire,
is here today to share some news of a personal and painful nature.
The Internet has done powerful things in our lives. We are connected and involved with each other although strangers in the physical sense. Lelia, who has supported me from the start of my career, is generously allowing me to use her blog to spill personal news affecting my life.
I found out a few months ago that I have to have dialysis. Luckily, the VA is footing the bill (your tax dollars at work!). This is the result of being poisoned by cat flea medicine in 2004. I lost one kidney then and now the other is going. Think about that, pet owners!
Anyway, the VA delivered the news in the non-emotional, matter-of-fact way we who have served are used to. Sort of a “Suck it up, sailor,” attitude. No tears allowed when you are surrounded by vets who have lost limbs in wars gone by and ones in progress.
I came home and did what writers do: I wrote clever lines that I could deliver if people wanted to feel sorry for me.
“Hey, don’t get all awkward on me!”
“Go tilt at your own windmills. This one’s mine.” (for the literary types)
“Welcome to the secret circle. We have a handshake, but it involves blood.”
“You know you’re giving me an opening to play martyr, right?”
“Now that I’m in dialysis, my dislike of vampires has increased ten-fold.” (I’m especially fond of that one.)
The man in my life said I was being hostile. Maybe he’s right. I’m not sure what the proper response is, I’ve never read it in an etiquette book. What would Miss Manners do? Fortunately, Pat Canterbury in Sacramento has been through this and is mentoring me as to what to expect. She is my life-line.
So, there it is, on the table. I have been through surgery and have a nice gash on my arm where they expanded my veins for the procedure. Luckily, a new center was just built down the street from me. I’m going to go a few times and see what the cool kids are wearing, what kind of toys they bring to amuse themselves for hours. I plan to read manuscripts and get work done. I won’t be going to conferences and conventions much anymore. I will miss the fun.
I’ve always enjoyed being a couch potato, now I can be a recliner potato. No more guilt for not jogging or exercising regularly. I’m eating candy until they tell me it’s bad for me. I’m going to use dialysis as an excuse to get out of things I really don’t want to do, like go to weddings. I mean, who is going to argue with THAT?
One of my favorite quotes is “Life is a tragedy for those who feel, a comedy for those who think.” Horace Walpole. I can’t help if I find humor in dire circumstances. I’m already thinking of how to write a kidney-challenged character in my next book.
I didn’t blog to garner sympathy and I hope you chuckled with me along the way. But, if there is a serious message in my words, it’s this: Don’t piss away opportunity, talent or time.
November 30, 2011
Posted in: Guest Blogs
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56 Responses
You certainly haven’t lost your sense of humor. I wish you a good recovery
It seems you are finding ways to cope with your situation and your sense of humor will help-I don’t like to go to weddings either -it is scary to think all of this was caused by flea medicine which I use monthly for my cat and dog.
I stopped using flea medicine years ago when it came close to killing one of my cats.
I plan to see you bringing laughter to the dialysis scene. Sounds like you can make any event into a positive one with your outlook.
I didn’t laugh, but I admire you even more than before. I have acquaintances on dialysis, know it hasn’t been the end of the world for them, and am therefore much cheered and encouraged in your case–startling though the news was.
Best, always, Radine
Sunny,
Dialysis and stuff like that are what makes life suck and builds strong character. (yeah, right) You havea great
sense of humor and I’m sure you’ll find lots to do at the clinic. If nothing else, all those kids and their toys should give you ample subjects to write about.
I wish you a speedy recovery. Pet meds scare me too. I have two collies and two horses,and I’m always handling some kind of med or other.
Take care
Pat
Sunny, I’m so sorry about your problem. My dad was on dialysis and it was a real bore for him. You, on the other hand, with your zest and drive, already have plans on how to spend the down hours. Good for you. I’m wishing you the best.
Carol
Wishing you the best, Sunny. I hope you will be OK. I’m not sure I would be as brave as you. Now I’m going to go throw out my cat flea medicine.
Bill
Sorry to hear about your problem. You certainly have the spirit to fight anything negative. I had cancer in 69 and I’m still kicking. I know you will be too for many years to come. You have many friends rooting for your good health. Stay strong.
Sunny,
First, our prayers go with you and will continue for healing, the wisdom of your doctors, and a permanent solution, if that’s possible.
Second, thank you for your humor. Larry comes from a family that approaches all of life’s obstacles that way, and it makes a world of difference.
Third, thank you, thank you for your hard work for all of us.
Love, prayers and blessings,
Lorna & Larry Collins
P.S. My theory is that it’s this year!! Not a week has passed without word of death or illness or other major crisis. We both lost parents this year, our house decided to self-destruct, and (worst of all) both our computers died! By the end of February, I had a list of 28 deaths of friends, family, and family of friends. I stopped counting at that point, but that didn’t make it stop. So far, I’ve spoken at seven memorial services or funerals. I’m REALLY looking forward to 2012 when, hopefully, the black cloud will go away!
Sunny, You have a killer attitude, and that’s a good thing for a mystery writer. I’m so very proud of you, and my prayers are still going out for you.
You know, if you need anything that any of us can help with, please just say the word.
Sunny – I’m sorry to hear about your illness. But with your upbeat attitude (and the help of those friendly VA doctors — I’ve met several myself) I am sure you will be as well as possible.
Jim
Wow! I always knew you were a strong person. This proves it.Sorry about the exclamation point, but it was necessary in this case. I’m forever grateful for having come in contact with you. Thanks for all you do.
Sunny: I’ve wondered about you the last few months but figured it was all the traveling and the hopes you would finish the next book that we are all waiting on. I love the idea of using it as an excuse but you also need to do what you do so well and that is lead the charge, blaze the trail–A dialysis book tour. Plan your itinerary based on proximity to dialysis. Would take some planning but I know you have it in you! The Posse would help! I refuse to give you platitudes but my heart is breaking for your pain and suffering in the dark of the night when no one is looking. The astrology chart says Capricorns are helpful and good listeners. I will be there when your stars aren’t quite aligned. My stars lucked out when I met you in Vegas! You’re my hero! Wendy
W.S. Gager on Writing
You are a brave, funny lady. I admire people who can take a challenge like you face and find humor to get you through. Here’s hoping all goes well for you and if you need a kidney transplant, may the donor be as full of life and zest as you are!
Hey Sunny, so so sorry to hear you are about to go on this journey. My friend who has been batteling cancer for 5 years is writing a mystery (Raymond Chandler style) where the protagonist is a young woman …you guessed it, in cancer treatment. I told her about you and the astrological crime fighter who worked for the police department. I think you quite inspired her to incorporate her life in her fiction.
I know you will do well. Please keep me posted. Damn Fleas.
You are one of the only people who can make me laugh and tear up in the same essay, Sunny. What a writer. What an inspiration.
I especially liked “Go tilt at your own windmills. This one’s mine.” In part because I use Don Quixote’s behaviors around windmills as an example of why fiction surpasses “the personal essay” and so much of that “creative non-fiction.” The world doesn’t care what we think but we can make them care about our characters. Loved your letter to us. Wish it was fiction.
Sunny, you know I root for you along with everyone else, and you are so right, facing a serious health issue prompts a lot of self-examination. I feel sure you will find ways to make this turn of events work for you…
Sunny, Sunny, what can I say. Sometimes life delivers blows to the good people. When my Mom faced some dark days, she used to say, “If you can find humor in a situation you can deal with it.” Then she would light up the room with laughter and continue on. I once heard Norman Cousins speak in person and he credited laughter with his accomplishments despite odds stacking up against him. So, you’re using the right formula and, yes, I’m laughing along with you although I know the road ahead is not what you would have planned. You know all of your friends are in your corner. God bless.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I hope you feel better soon, and I really admire what you’re doing. Humor is the best way through it as are friends. Remember that you have a friend down near Los Angeles whenever you need him.
Sunny, this comes as a huge shock, because I think of you as one of the most energetic people I know, and your name fits your disposition. It won’t be easy for you to slow down for a while, but here’s hoping your recovery will be comfortable, rapid, and complete. Your friends are grateful for all you do, and we’re rooting for you fiercely.
I’m truly sorry to hear about it, and I wish you good luck. I’d say don’t let it get you down, but that would be redundant.
I know it won’t.
I am so sorry to hear about what you’re having to go through but, if there’s one thing I’ve realized about you in the short time I’ve “known” you, it’s that you possess incredible strength. I believe that you have what it takes to come through this!
When I say my prayers each night before I go to sleep, I’ll say a special one for you.
As gracious, graceful and literary-minded as ever, Sunny. I cannot think of a more elegant way to present what has to be an overwhelming change of circumstance in your life.
I’d like to hear more about how the cat flea medication got you. I have heard of cats getting tumors from sitting on the laps of women in HRT. I have not heard of cats inadvertently harming human kidneys– till now.
My supportive thoughts and prayers are with you. As ever, of two minds, I find life both comic and tragic.
Love, Marta
Dammit! I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go through all that. From what I’ve learned of you, across the electrons, you seem to be one of those who takes adversity by the horns and deals with it. Your posse has your back.
– Dac
Sorry to hear about your condition, Sunny, and our prayers are with you. At least you have an good excuse to sit around the house and read (and write) more books. We’ll miss you at the conferences. I was looking forward to meeting you at LCC next year. And no more flea medicine for my cats, either.
Oh, rot! Sorry to hear about your illness, but happy to hear your sense of humor with you. A rapid recovery.
Lesley
Dear Sunny,
I will light a candle for you this Sunday and it will glow as brightly as your personality. God bless. I look forward to meeting you when you are better.
Melanie
Sunny,
My prayers and best wishes go with you for a speedy recovery.
Elaine Abramson
Oh, Sunny, what a bum deal. I hope you get to feeling better soon. It’s an adjustment, but you’ve adjusted to things before and you will again. I know you love to travel and will miss that. But I’ve heard of people on diaysis who travelled. It just took a lot of planning. Your friends will accomodate the changes in your life. So just let them know what you can and cannot do. Don’t keep it secret. My best to you for a good holiday season and a bright New Year.
Thanks, all of you. In many ways, it was easier to spill the news to you than to family members. I haven’t even told my sister! I’ve always thought of the writing community as close-knit and your responses prove my point. You are my cheerleaders.
But, my final point wasn’t about me, it was about YOU. Don’t waste precious time. Don’t second-guess yourself or your talent. See opportunities for what they are and grab on tight.
Life doesn’t play by the rules.
Sunny,
Sorry to hear about your condition with the kindey, I am also down to one kidney, and the large scar on the left side.
So far the right one is holding up for now!
Lucky for us Vets the VA is around for us to step in when needed.
Hang in there and keep the home fires burning
Regards,
Vernon
Sunny, I wish I could reach out and give you a bear hug, but since I’m on the other side of the country, just know that my thoughts and prayers go with you. Keep your chin up and please update us often.
Hostile or not, I loved your comeback lines. I wish you the best of luck (the good kind, not the bad kind) in this new and daunting chapter of your life.
Sunny, it looks like you were aptly named. I’m not sure I could take such news as well as you have. We’re all in your corner, for certain.
All the best to you.
Sunny, after letting your news settle in, I decided to do a search about human renal failure due to cat flea products.
There is literally nothing of value with a mention of reactions in humans online! There are sites that speak of it affecting the cat’s or other animal’s kidneys but I didn’t find more than one obscure mention of what inhaling or otherwise coming in contact with those toxic products can produce in humans.
This is one of those things that should be a serious warning humans are aware of and when you’re feeling better I can see you writing an article about it. You go girl.
I am so sorry to hear this!!!! Best wishes on dealing with this. Your attitude is a great one!
I hope and trust you have reported this to the FDA et al?
Do you mind saying & sharing which exact monthly flea medicine and what happened exactly — the exact course of events? My cat is currently on a monthly medicine that has dire effects on people if one spills it on oneself or touches it AT ALL.
My cat nearly died a couple of years ago when given Capstar plus usual meds since he had run out of the house & gone for a run and picked up fleas. He was so close to death I stayed up with him all night to be sure he did not lose the will to live. I have since learned there is a veterinary office in my area that will give your pet that pill without telling you or asking you if you happen to board them there. My cat recovered totally and is fine.
Thanks so much for sharing what you are going through!!!!!
Glad you’re keeping a positive attitude and retaining your sense of humor. I’m sending positive thoughts and hoping all goes well. I just learned another friend is starting chemo. Not a good news week for my friends.
Sunny,
You are truly an inspiration for people who whine and complain about much less serious problems. You also have a posse of friends and colleagues who, no doubt, would fly out to see you, our “sheriff”, should you wish us to be at your bedside as you go through this ordeal. Though we’re not there with you right now, I believe that all of us will be praying for you, keeping you constantly in our thoughts in the months ahead.
Love and hugs and God bless!
Eileen
Sunny, you made me sad, you made me smile and you made me laugh. No maudlin crap as I agree there are tons of people who have way worse things to face. (I can say this as I’ve been on the verge of kidney transplant surgery more than a few times, thankfully not lately) Having said that, I send you prayers for healing, comfort and peace. Tell the man in your life your emotions are yours and if you want to be hostile, it’s your right…just don’t toss the candy at him, as he’s not likely to give it back when you’re hungry!
Sunny:
Thanks for the shout out! It has been a previlege walking you thought the dialysis process. Ignore my earlier email, as you know Mercury is retrograding and it’s playing with my communications. Looking forward to sharing arm scars:o)
Pat
Gee, Sunny, I am soooo happy that my cats have never needed flea medicine!!! I only have 1 kidney also, and I really hope that I never need dialysis. It operates at about 80%, both together made up 1 kidney, and cancer got one.
I wish you the best, does this mean we can’t ever meet for tea again??
Sunny,
Thank you for sharing difficult news in such a classy manner. When I was diagnosed with cancer, I found one of the hardest parts was informing others. Often, I’ve learned, the patient supports the friend or family member.
In your case, you’ve definitely supported us all with your fantastic attitude.
Currently my husband is also dealing with a kidney problem as he recently suffered total kidney failure, so he and I are especially empathetic to your situation.
I send you all manner of positive thoughts.
Sunny,
I have you in my prayers. I wish my family members (two on dialysis and three facing it in the future-its a family thing) were as upbeat and willing to face like you. Instead they have chose a poor direction to go. I’m so glad I met you in Tennesse. If there is anything I can do, please don’t hesitate to email or call.
Kim (real name)
Sunny,
It can be very hard to tell others when you’re experiencing something difficult, so I thank you for your courage. Please know that you are now and will remain in my fervent thoughts and prayers. It sounds like you have a great attitude and sense of humor towards this upcoming chapter of your life, and that will carry you far. You’ve looked for and found some good in this situation, so you can stave off the boredom by reading and writing! Best of luck. Amy Reade
Hi Sunny,
Your attitude and humor is great. And you are right about life–ut’s more of a moment by moment thing than let’s worry about retirement because life happens. I look forward to our Tuesdays.
You have been a real life saver when it came to the local author programs. I think that connection was destiny. Talk to you soon. You are in my thoughts ahd prayers.
Gail
Sunny,
What a great gift it is to be able to write to other writers when you feel something deeply. This community gives amazing support, and I know you will reap the benefits of it as you face this tough situation. My very best wishes as you face the challenge with humor and grace. Liz
Sunny,
The advice you have given me as a writer has significantly improved my writing and my marketing. But you advice about life in this blog is the best yet.
Mike
p.s., In the don’t feel sorry for me vein (pun intended), where the hell is the third book? I want to read another Christie.
Sunny,
I am so proud to call you friend. I know you don’t need to hear oh dear, but atta girl…but its hard for people who care about you to not feel bad for you (and sometimes ourselves) and want to encourage you to keep on keeping on. You have encouraged us and now let it be our time to check in on you in a personal nature, not that we are sulking, but we genuinely care.
I know this is frightening for so many, so I am sure the man in your life is a little scared and to say you were hostile might helped him to cope with the reality.
Sunny we support you and look forward to many more quirky and quick-witted quotes from you.
With love and prayer I send to you as others Augie
It’s interesting to hear you’ve already figured out how to deal with the chronicity of dialysis. Living life as a process and not an event is the better way to handle things I find. A friend of mine added the words “and sometimes we get what we get” to the phrase -We don’t get more than we can handle.” You are a power of example and this is something that obviously isn’t changing. I like that-couch potato to recliner potato. Am still looking forward to that next book. You’re on my prayer list!
Oh, Sunny, I`m so sorry to see this. I think your positive attitude and sense of humor will guide you through this. My prayers are with you.
Okay, Sunny, this is not the best news in the world but you are certainly handling it as well as can be expected. I think you’re brave announcing it like this–but I also know you well enough to realize that whatever happens, you’ll rise up and do those things that you want to do most. (But you do need to tell you sis.)
Marilyn
Sunny, although we’ve never met physically, I consider you a good friend and I wish I lived nearby so I could be of some use to you as you begin to adapt to this new direction your life is taking. You’ll do just fine, though—you’ve got the gumption and the humor to see you through. Thank you for coming here to share your news with us
Sunny, pulling for you! It’s hard to imagine what you’ll be going through but we know you’ll be fighting (and joking) every step of the way. Wishing you good thoughts and prayers.
I’m sorry, Sunny. Please get well and back to normal as fast as you can.
I echo the sentiment of your message. My wife has been diagnosed in the last few days with very advanced Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. We should the name of the exact version under that umbrella on Monday when she starts chemo.
Oh, Sunny, Susan and I are so sorry. This email got buried while we were doing Shakespeare readings, having a houseful of people at Thanksgiving, preparing for a wedding, and getting Christmas underway, and I only just opened it today. You’ve been an inspiration for so many people. We love you, and we’re sending you healing energy.
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